I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
