When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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