I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
