You're my little dorito
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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