im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
