Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
