if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
