I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
