Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
