mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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