Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
