I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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