I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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