There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
