did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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