I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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