toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
