Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
