yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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