im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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