Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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