I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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