fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
