Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
