i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
