Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
