mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
