My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
