Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
