I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
