So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize