it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
