I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
