Pappa wants mamma naked
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
