Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
