I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
