Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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