It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
