If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wish there were birth control emojis
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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