I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
