When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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