high people should be assigned attendants
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
