'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize