I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
