just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
