forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
