i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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