nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
