The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
