I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
