I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
