i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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