She's JV to your varsity
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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