My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
