Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you had me at cake vodka
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
