with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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