she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
