Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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