So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
