when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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