I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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