she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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