It's Friday. Sex?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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