Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
