why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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