where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
