dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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