You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
