I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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