I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
