I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
